an odd feeling..

i am sure everyone has heard about Jennifer Knapp being gay.. well, if you hadn't she was a very popular Christian singer who has now come public with her sexuality..yeah, starting this blog off with a bang.. haha anyways, my heart has been struggling with the news. in the baby days of my faith i would have judged and i would have condemned. now, i find myself breaking on so many levels.. breaking for her and her struggle, breaking for our world that is so confused (this doesn't help), breaking for our Lord.. what she argued on Larry King Live was legitimate.. why is this sin any different? she is right, it's not. sin is sin no matter how big or how small. we are missing the point. the point isn't if she is going to heaven or hell because she is gay.. the point is, is that her(or anyone's) struggle? now, before i go on i want to clear up that i think homosexuality is wrong, but i feel as if we are missing the mark on issues like this. i believe that people with a same sex attraction can be saved just like i believe that someone who struggles with lying can be saved. the key word is struggle. if there is no struggle with the sin or no belief that the sin is wrong then i hate to say that i have a hard time believing that they are a believer. i then find myself struggling with the verses that are thrown back at us in this argument. Verses like John 8:7..When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, "If any one of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her," and Matthew 7:3.."Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?" it is so true, i am not even close to being without sin so how can i even judge??? it is just that, i am not judging if she is going to heaven or hell, i am breaking for a world that is full of people that are like her... that are struggling with a sin and giving in. if they could just believe that it is possible to struggle with something and not have to give into it, if they believe and put their faith in the Lord and realize that He loves them through their struggles... what is important is not what we struggle with, but how we deal with those struggles and who we run to for help.. so this blog was more about me talking about my struggle with how to deal with these issues rather than the issues themselves..

Lord, help us to love and not judge.. help us to see the bigger picture loving people into knowing you.. help us not to try and take the place and the job of what You said You could only do. forgive us when we try to be You.. give us wisdom in all that we say and do and act.

forgiven by His mercy,

beth.

smiles.

in the past 5 days i have...

gone to LBC to recruit for the internship and got to see some good friends who i worked with at sandy cove.. smiles

gone to chic fil a, rita's, and starbucks all in the same night with sarah, taco, and dess.. smiles

played some good competitive volleyball.. smiles

worked in the kitchen a lot.. smiles

gotten my nose pierced.. smiles

bought seasons passes to six flags with dess..smiles

gotten paid to work in a tree for a few hours with kids.. smiles

gone on multiple pain free runs.. smiles

talked to mommy.. smiles

had one of the best most joyful, most fun, most wonderful dates of my life with the most wonderful man of my life.. big smiles


i realized looking back at all the things i "smile" about are really most of the things i am thankful for in my life. when im down i just need to look back at the past few days that the Lord wrote out. i need to look back and be reminded of all the things he has placed in my daily life that make me "smile." thank you for the smiles Lord.

smiles really can change the world.

:)
beth.

encouraged.

it's a rainy day. it's our day off. that means no going outside or running for me. it's a good thing because i wouldn't have had this conversation that showed how big God is. us girls just had an amazing conversation. one of our co-workers just shared her story and where God is taking her in her life. the way her story has played out was totally and only a God story. when God was taking away in her life He was writing another part of her story to give to her in her life. there was no way she could have wrote this part of her life and there is no way it could have just played out the way it did. without coming out and saying whats going on in her life i can just say that it is a huge testimony to the God who provides! and with hearing her story it is an encouragement to me that God will take care of me. He has the next part of my life planned. there is a door that will open for me. not sure when and not sure what, but i know He is in control. He took care of her in a way she could never imagined and i am encouraged to know that He does that for all His children. it may come in a different way or a different process, but it's coming. i may have to wait, but He is leading. i don't have a problem following a God who leads and takes care of me. i can handle that. God, thanks for encouraging me through your other children. thank you for revealing your provision through other people. i trust in you. Amen.

encouraged,
beth.

a week of greats.

this past week was my spring break.. yeah as an intern we get breaks.. so blessed :) anyway i will try to write about everything that took place.. it was probably one of my favorite weeks in a long time..it was a week of great friends, great family, great fun, great conversations, and great hurdles overcome..

after my weekend spent in ocean city and sandy cove, i made the hike down to home sweet home in powhatan, va. you know when you have plans in your head that you would love to do, but know you won't be able to do all of it? well, it was one of those weeks of plans except instead of not being able to do everything, i was able to do it all and more! sometimes break doesn't feel like time off because of how busy you become, but it was still refreshing.. had lunch with a friend who i have known since i was a baby, spent time with my grandparents who i never get to see, spent some quality time with mommy, had a good night with my daddy and charlie, got to see my sister for a bit, visited my softball coaches from high school, went to a few liberty softball games, and got to see some college friends.

i couldn't sleep well friday night. i think my mind was racing from the day. so, i was up at 4 getting ready to head back up to maryland at 5. mommy got up with me and made me some coffee.. i have a wonderful mommy. on the road by 5 to avoid traffic on 95.. it's the worst! got to see the beautiful sunrise! spent the next 3 days hanging out with friends from the cove. Easter day was spent with my boyfriend and his family.. got to meet them for the first time :) loved every minute of it. had some wonderful meals and some very meaningful conversations.. passed the point where i usually run in relationships.. living out honesty is the best policy.. and growing! i am loved! excited to see where God continues to lead us!

in conversation i had this past weekend, i realized how much deeper my attachment to the game of softball really is.. it was really a huge part of my identity. although, i don't rely on softball for my life, i realized i relied on it a little too much. it was an escape and a safe place for me to go and to channel my feelings when things weren't so great off the field... now i am forced to face the exact things i was running from. it's been a beautiful process of heartache and growth. in my senior season at Liberty i was in an article in a magazine called the Liberty Journal.. the author concluded the article with, "Bennett identified herself primarily as a softball player. These days she views herself as an athlete, on God's team, seeking His will, one play at a time." it's funny he chose to end the article with this.. although, i have to admit that i wasn't fully there, i can now say that it's true. it may be cliche or corny, but i am not a softball player. i am a daughter of the king who was used in her softball career. now i am identifying myself as fully His seeking where i can next be used to glorify Him best.

His daughter,

beth.