thanksgiving/updates/thoughts. :)

ahhh its been too long since i have written.. i guess i am just having too much fun ;) well when i wrote last i was on thanksgiving break.. i had a great break, i got to speak to my church about my trip to china (which went great), i got to catch up with high school friends, and hang with my family.. i love my family, but it's hard to be around sometimes.. i guess all families have their issues. see i'm not who i used to be, i've come a long way since i have lived at home. the Lord has really brought me a long way from then. when the same issues that go down with my family happen i now get sad. sad because i can't change them. sad because i used to be them. sad because i want so badly to open their eyes. i used to be angry. i used to be a mad kid and just react with anger. that's how they knew me and that's how they think i am going to react now, but i don't and i think it is taking a little while for them to realize that i have changed. it's almost like they don't wanna believe that i have changed. i know they do realize it, but it's hard to accept i guess. it's a learning process and i know that good will come from all situations. over the break i had an amazing devotion on forgiveness. i had always felt that i am a pretty forgiving person, but i guess the Lord showed me that i was leaving some people out. there is a lot of family history that i would need to explain, but for the lack of space and time i can not explain it all. i have forgiven my father for a lot of things that have happened, but i realized that i don't forgive my siblings. my siblings are living like i used to live. i used to live with a me mentality that i must look out for myself and protect it at all costs.. its a selfish one and it makes you angry when things don't go your way. i hadn't been forgiving them for being like that. it hurts me to see it and it hurts to be treated that way, but i realized i need to forgive them and be patient with them. the Lord forgave me for being like that and had patience with me. it may be taking them longer, but that doesn't mean i shouldn't forgive and have hope that life will turn around for them. it's a learning process that i am on.
so after break i went to house sit for my family at sandy cove. it was so great to spend time with their only daughter, kat. she is a great girl with a good head on her shoulders.. i'm hoping the Lord will use me to be an example and an encouragement in her life. i am probably not the best example, but i do know that i wanna be used by Him. we stayed up too late talking about life, but it's worth it to be a listening ear.
got back to the ranch and started right back into work. i was gone for 10 days and it made me realize how much i missed these guys! the interns have become my family without a doubt. i have never been in such a tight knit group with the same goals in mind. it really brings us close together. the girls are becoming some of my best friends and the guys are just my buds. i really have been blessed to be a part of this group. we did some cleaning and had some classes on the history of our retreat programming and also an old testament survey class.. i must admit i am excited about learning more about the old testament. well, guess what. i went to another chic-fil-a grand opening last week. :) it was crazy. everyone in our group made the first 100! it was a crazy story. you have to get there the day before at 6am. at 6 they take everyone there. if it is less than 100 they will let more people in who were later and if it is at 100 they dont take any more people, but if it is over 100 at 6am they do a raffle. what that means is that they take all of our names put it in a bucket and draw names until they get 100.. well there was about 130 of us and guess what number i was! umm, 100! can i please say that i never want to go through that again.. it was such an awesome feeling and a crazy rush, but i would rather not have to wait like that again. it was fun like always except for the pouring rain and the wind with up to 40mph gusts. yeah, i didn't sleep much. that leads me to last weekend, where we had our first snow of the year. about 3 inches. we worked half a day sat and got some stuff done as well as play in the snow.. :)
i house/dog sat for my old boss this past sat night and sunday. i don't think the dog was feeling so good. he peed 4 times inside and i wasn't even there for a full day! pour guy. sunday, i went to church with my 2nd family and then got lunch at ikea after. that place is way cool! i am so grateful for the fishers and how they make me feel like a part of their family. i also got to spend my time catching up with a girl i worked with this summer named beth anne. she is about 4 years younger than me, but is very mature for her age. i love seeing younger girls have such a strong love and devotion to the Lord. it is very encouraging to me. we caught up on school and boys (because we both had stories to tell about the men in our lives ;) which by the way can i just say i am a very blessed girl? well, i am and i do not deserve all that i have been given. i couldn't have written this story more perfectly. there really is beauty in the waiting :) the Lord is most certainly writing this love story better than i had even tried to play out in my head. i am grateful for a friendship that has now started a new journey and i am grateful for the time i have to spend with him and get to know him even more. thank you Lord for always blowing me away.
that brings me to today. nothing out of the ordinary happened, but i have learned to love the ordinary. to love the moment i am in with he people in my life. i couldn't ask for more. the interns led worship and prayer this morning for the staff. we made a slide show and had an audio we recorded and made as well. i think it went absolutely perfect. it was the Lord's doing for sure. i hope that other's felt Him move as much as i felt Him move in my heart. i may not live a life that is un-Christ like, but i know that i have not being living in a way that is Christ like if that makes sense. i've been living in the middle, the safe place. i wanna be on the other side. the side that shines so brightly for the Lord. that is what my heart was convicted for this morning. to live as a picture of Him is my longing, but man do i fall short. Lord, use me and mold me into the image of your son and forgive me when i live a safe comfortable life for myself rather than stepping out and living one that shines so brightly for you. Teach me to shine bright and teach me to live boldly. Amen.
i serve and believe in a God who is Emanuel. what other God is with us? none. Emanuel means God with us. Who better to serve that a God who is actually with us? Who better to love and give our lives to than one who lived and gave His life for us? none. Serve Him. Love Him. Live for Him.

in Him,
beth.

one place can hold so much meaning.

the past 3 nights/4 days i was blessed to have the opportunity to visit sandy cove and visit friends who have worked there in previous summers. i have been back to visit many times over the past 4 years, but this time i got to thinking about how much my life was dramatically changed by sandy cove and at sandy cove. i am sure that the same growth and changes would have also happened if i was somewhere else, but in my story sandy cove is where God chose for me to be. my first summer i was a 19 year old girl. i am now a 23 year old woman. wow, looking back is sometimes unbelievable. was i really that immature?? haha to become more mature we must have been immature at some point right? i defined my life and happiness by so many other things other than the Lord. i feel that there is far too much to write and i probably won't remember it all, but i will try to hit the main points. it was at sandy cove i grew up, i found my calling, i fell in love with the Lord, i found like-minded believers, i found a 2nd family, i learned what it meant to serve, i learned what brother's and sister's in Christ really look like, i learned that families face the same things mine did, but really can make it through if they work hard enough and run to the Lord. i learned so much more than i mentioned as well. how do you give back to a place that gave so much to you? my only conclusion is to give back to the Lord who gave me so much while i was there. i know that it was really the Lord working through sandy cove and that it was actually the Lord teaching me and not the place, but it was there it all took place. i walked the same paths i walked in the past 4 years, sat in the same spots i once used to sit in over the summers, and enjoyed the beauty like i have so many times in the past. my heart and my soul were warmed with the flooding of memories that had been made in my time there. i wish everyone could experience such change and growth in one place like i did. it makes visiting that much more special. to see how far i have come and how much the Lord really worked in me is an amazing emotion. it's almost too much to take in at once. so much emotion just wants to pour out of me. emotions of immense joy and thankfulness that God granted me the opportunity to grow and transform into who He wanted me to be all in one place. that one place i can visit and be reminded to thank Him for all He has done in and through me.

God, sometimes i don't have the words to tell you how thankful i am for what you have done for me. i am so thankful you brought me to a place where i knew you were working in me, where i saw your work in others, and where memories will remind me of Your greatness. thank you for using sandy cove as a tool in my life. what you have done over the past 4 years i will never forget. it was in the past 4 years that i believe the biggest transformation of my life took place and it was all because of You. You amaze me. You leave me speechless and for that I thank you. Thank you for being You, for blowing me away with your amazing love. Amen

thankfully,
beth.

sorry.

so, i went back and read some of my posts and i realized i have the worst grammar and spelling mistakes.. when i finish writing my blogs i am too lazy to go back and read over them. well, i realized that i look like i shouldn't have graduated high school so i will make a better effort to check for spelling and grammar errors.. thanks for understanding :)

playing a little catch up.

let's play a little catch up on the past 10 days. hmmm, lot's has happened. :) where to begin. well, last weekend i was the tnt host. there was one worker and his name was nate. it was a pretty busy weekend so we didn't get to play around too much. what we did get to do was have great conversations.. we shared our testimonies and some recent struggles and what God is doing in our lives. it's encouraging to see a 16 year old boy struggling to grow in his faith. even if it is struggling it is growing.. i was also encouraged by his honesty. when people are honest they can receive honest advice and help. i was able to encourage and give advice. it was awesome because i was nervous about how the weekend would play out with being a girl host working with one boy worker. i prayed that the Lord would allow us to connect in some way and use me in some way. i believe that prayer was answered! they always are. :) i tie-dyed a lot more on monday.. they turned out great and i even tried dying some gloves. they actually look cute! still selling all that stuff by the way. hahaha. anyways, on tuesday we were pleasantly surprised when Matt announced that we had a small day trip of canoeing planned. we packed a lunch and headed to a local park, put the canoe's in the water and made a day of it. our first stop was an island where we had lunch, a throwing contest, and then a devotional. after the devo was over matt asked us to go find a spot on the island to sit and think about some goals we have or wanted to make. it was a great time.. even though it was 20 mins, it was what i needed. i needed to think about what my goals were and are. of course i want to grow more and more into the image of Christ, but there are more than just that. i also want to put on love every day. i don't want to just say it, but live it. i want to lead someone to Christ this year, take advantage of every opportunity given to me to share the love of Christ, and to really be a light in this dark world. i mean a real bright bright light! those are some of the goals i had made.. after that we got back in the boats and paddled around until about 4. the midweek was pretty much normal.. did some cleaning, finished working on our initiative book, and did small jobs that needed to be done. i've been working out a lot lately instead of running. it really bums me out, but my feet have been going numb again. i guess surgery didn't work.. :( so i have turned over to doing a workout video by jillian michaels from the biggest loser. i really enjoy it! i know that was very random, but just thought i would share. on thursday evening the interns threw me a small birthday surprise celebration. can i just say how blessed i am to work with such awesome loving people?? i am! well it was a cheese party! haha the first one i have ever had. they had a platter of all kinds of cheeses, gold fish, queso and chips, easy cheese and crackers, cheese sticks, and pizza! it was sooooooo good. we watched up and also played settler's of canton. they also got me some gifts.. they got me a mug that they wrote on with nice words they thought described me.. they also got me vanilla creamer (yumm), my favorite flowers (fake ones that last forever yay!), and a tiara. :) it was a great night and our last one together until after break. my birthday was yesterday (saturday). i am 23. growing up is crazy. i don't feel any different than i did when i was a teenager, except more mature haha. i had to work, but was so blessed to get off early at 3:30 and was able to get a shower and get ready for the night. i had dinner and saw a movie with stephen and had a wonderful time. :) i received some great gifts from him and really couldn't have asked for a better night. :) :) :)
life is good. God is better. i need to be living with more love. i'm working and growing in that area. i also need to be consumed with Him. sometimes i find myself being consumed with things of the world instead of being consumed with Him to reach this world. today at church we sang the old song that goes..this is my story, this is my song, praising my Savior all the day long. i want to adopt that song for this time period. this is what i want to say, what i want to be living each and every day.. this is my story that i am living and the song that i am singing praising my Savior all the day long. what a great story to live and a great song to sing. i pray that will be the story i live- to praise my Savior all the day long.

living His story,
beth.

in 9 days.

my birthday is in 9 days. i'm not just trying to share that my birthday is soon just to share that it is my birthday. that day has deeper meaning for me this year. back in june i decided that i was going to commit the next 5-6 months to not dating.. it seems funny and doesn't seem very long, but i wanted to share about the journey i have had. i tend to date too fast, i tend to get distracted by finding the right person, and i tend to try and plan my own path. if i may be an honest girl right now, it is so hard to stay focused on the Lord when you are so focused on finding someone to spend your life with. common sense, right? right, but not always easy to stay focused. for me i was so focused on not being alone that i was missing out on what my single life could be. i was missing out on what God had called me to at that time, singleness. so, i took this time to free myself from even the chance of being distracted. that didn't mean that i couldn't be friends with guys. it just meant that i couldn't be consumed by thinking about finding someone. i am so grateful that this time has taught me so much. i finally have learned the true happiness of being single and trusting and waiting for the Lord to write my story. the Lord is writing my love story along with everyone else's. and how much more beautiful will my story be when i can say look how the Lord wrote my story, look how His perfect timing was better than my own. i am excited for the day when i can say that, but i am excited for today, for today is what i have. i do not have the future and i do not know the future. what i have now is today and what i know is to live for the Lord today, trusting that He is leading my every step. i am no longer consumed with thoughts or worries about planning my life. it's being planned for me. i can't say that i have got this trust thing 100% perfected, because i don't. some days weigh heavier than others. some days the spiritual attack is stronger, but now every day i know that i have someone fighting for me, someone perfectly writing my story, and with that in mind i don't need to worry. :) once my birthday hits, it's not like life changes and i am free to do what i want, but rather my life continues on the journey i have learned to live contently in, that i have learned to let Him write my story and trust that His story is far better than the story i could ever write.

in His story,
beth.

recruting, reunions, and retrreating.

so this past week has been extremely busy and filled with fun, relaxation, craziness, and joy. :) when i think about the Lord and how He has a perfect plan for me and my life it is hard not to be filled with joy, but at the same time it is hard to always think about His perfect plan. we doubt sometimes, me included..but this weekend and week were filled with joy and no doubting. :) last thursday me and 4 other RVR staff members headed down to good ole lynchburg, Va for a recruiting/ reunion trip. most of the staff here at the ranch came and come from Liberty so it's a perfect time to go and recruit and have a reunion with previous staff as well. all day friday we set up a booth telling students about the great opportunity we have to serve at the ranch and what it is all about. just spreading the word about the camp and getting e-mails to remind students that we would be back in january was our mission. we did accomplish that for sure. when i found out i was the intern going on this trip i was excited... excited to be reunited with family i had formed over the past 4 years. it was a little overwhelming almost to see everyone from those 4 years in just a few days, but more than overwhelming it was encouraging and wonderful to reconnect with those from my past. i miss the burg so much and the people i have grown to love as my family. but as much as i miss them i do know that i am where the Lord wants me. our friendships are not conditional and will pick up just where we left off when a visit occurs. i got to spend time with my mentor/ role model Donna. she is such an encouragement to me in my walk and such an inspiration to my goals of being a woman after God's own heart. i got to see my coaches who became so close to my heart and mean so much to me.. i saw teammates, friends, professors, and my church family. i couldn't have asked for a better weekend. we tailgated all day saturday and then watched the liberty football game. last home game of the season which we won by a blow out. my brother charlie came and visited and watched the game. it was great to see him.. he is growing faster than i expected.. he is a man! weird! i'm hoping he will end up at liberty.. be praying for that! we returned on sunday evening and the next day the interns and i packed up our bags and headed to gettysburg, Pa with matt, michelle, and baby Lilah for a relaxing 3 day retreat. we showed up to our little cabin and made it our home for the next few days.. we had nothing planned, but to relax, refuel, and connect with each other. the first day some of us hiked a bit and then played games and watched a movie. we played this game called settlers of catan. don't ask, but it is my new favorite board game! i still haven't won and i can't say it is everyone else's favorite, but they still play it with me! it's so much fun, go look it up! we played 3 times over the 3 day trip.. the game usually lasts 2 hours. :) saturday we had a big breakfast and then headed to historic gettysburg where we walked around battlefields and ended up spending most of our day at Devil's Den. look that up too and check it out. after we soaked in the views and history we started climbing all the massive rocks that were there! can we say so much fun!?!? take a bunch of camp staff to a place with big rocks and it won't be long until we are all over those things with shoes off and climbing in mind. we had some great climbs, which i am sure weren't safe, and some pretty cool pictures. after that we hit up the gettysburg outlets. there aren't many, but they were great! us girls only hit one store in the time we had, typical girls. :) ps. i need to go back there because in the food court there was this little shop that sold fruit smoothies and reminded me a bit of rita's, but made with real fruit and soooooo good. i got a mango/orange smoothie and wished i had 5 more to drink.. it was that good! so that is on my list of things to do again. :) the next day we took a hike, packed up, ate yummy veggie burgers, played settlers of catan, and then headed home.. it was a great relaxing lazy and active trip we all needed.

learning to accept His love,
beth.

to love and be loved.. that is the struggle.

oh man, it has been an eventful past few days.. not just with actual events, but with actual struggles and growth in my walk or better yet the beginning of great growth. first, i must start and bring everyone up to date on what has been going on in my life.. this weekend was the last weekend of corn maize and it was also the weekend that my first race took place! i was blessed to have my mother come and visit me and run the race with me. she did great for her first trail race plus having bad knees... i finished 2nd in my age division out of 18 girls and was the 5th overall girl to finish the race. =) not bad for a first timer. it was such a fun day because betsy and i both dressed up like waldo's girlfriend (she is real, look her up) for the race. i wore the same costume all day at the corn maize.. that night one of the full-time staff members had a costume party and i was a hippie.. go figure :) i have seen God working on me through people here at the ranch.. long story short God is so faithful, but that's nothing new. just wanted to let you know that my prayers are being answered right in front of my eyes. i am loving every aspect of the ranch, my fellow interns, the full-time staff, and the people i get to serve. my love for my fellow interns is growing and growing and i know they are becoming part of my family. it is not always easy to love.. we have days where it is just plain hard.. there are days people are just plain hard to love, but you wanna know my greater struggle than loving others? it is accepting Christ's love. to be completely honest, that is what i am struggling with.. i love Him oh, how i love Him, but i am having a hard time accepting and knowing His love.. my mind is so limited to knowing that type of love.. we don't experience that type of love anywhere else but from Him from Christ himself and since i only know the love i have felt on this earth it is so hard for me to wrap my mind around the fact that his love is different... His love is limitless. yes, i know these things, but to truly feel it, to truly believe it, to truly live it.. that is my struggle. Lord, open my heart to accepting and knowing all the love you have for me. i know there is nothing i can do to earn or lose His love for me, but why does my mind work like it does? to accept your love, the love you have for me that is never ending, that is my desire.. to love and be loved by you.

learning to accept His love,

beth.